Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

 


When the Coconut finally came into my hands,
I thought the same thoughts as all who held it before me:
that it and I are in fact twins in our imprisonment,
here alone in a silent shell,
and that our inability to be known
is broken only by a rare somebody’s rarer desire
to actually feel what lies inside.

“Misunderstood” is the cry of the crowd,
and a listening ear, and an eye aware
are the medicines long ignored.
Only figures like the Coconut,
growing on its dreamy Caribbean trees far away,
appeal to my desire of connection,
and those right with me in the dismal cold,
crying out dying for another to taste their sweet within,
seem to amount only to the percussive flick
of another soul dancing lightly along my shell.
:iconbouncingroundtheroom:

Author's Comments

I think this one speaks for itself more than most of my others, but the immediate motivation is that today someone told me that they find it hard to take me seriously...which conflicts very much with what I truly am on the inside, who is in fact a very serious person.

The coconut in the second stanza represents artists who we look to for a kind of understanding, as we can relate to their work.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconmystarisfading:
so you did end up writing a poem about it!
not advanced critique, but its awesome how you can take an event and create an abstract writing from it.

--
Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
they slip away across the universe
:iconbouncingroundtheroom:
thank you :heart:

hahah and yeah...it turned out my thoughts kepppt coming back to it for the rest of the day and finally I decided this would be the best course to take

--
Give me life. Give me pain.
Give me my
Self again.

I'm addressing you. Are you going to let your emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
:iconkillallthewhiteman:
well i'm glad you took my suggestion and wrote about it.

and i like the analogy very much.... i'm not sure why... it seems rather obvious.

but i think it's that a coconut is usually not taken seriously its self... it's not cocoa... sure as hell isn't a nut... it's only purpose is to fall on people's heads on Gilligan's island...



i like the repitition of "rare" in


"and that our inability to be known
is broken only by a rare somebody’s rarer desire
to actually feel what lies inside. "
:iconsynchrochick007:
it's a very lovely metaphor, but I don't see a coconut as being misunderstood, which means it's very original. my only suggestion is that next time you write, try to elaborate a little more on the emotion behind the metaphor.
:)

--
...and then the words seemed to fly off the page and weave themselves into a beautiful picture...

Behold. the powers of the mighty Beatnik :meditate:
:iconbouncingroundtheroom:
thank you very much for the advice, i'll definitely be keeping it in mind :)

--
Give me life. Give me pain.
Give me my
Self again.

I'm addressing you. Are you going to let your emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
:iconcrowhesghost:
I don't really have much to offer in the way of critique. The analogy strikes me as solid all the way through, and it's a simple image that works well on a variety of levels. Damn good job! :thumbsup:

--
Well, make no mistakes, or switch off my channel/Armani rips when I fly off the handle.

I got two turntables and a microphone.

I am the High-Wizard-of-Things-That-Go-Bump-in-the-Night
:iconcryingpain:
Interesting metaphor :) using a coconut lol some deeper emotion would make it better :)

--
:frail:Every artist was first an amateur - 'Ralph Waldo Emerson':frail:

Details

September 12, 2007
942 bytes

Statistics

7
1 [who?]
73 (0 today)
0 (0 today)

Site Map